Ok so in the early days everything a little crazy, lots of different people telling you different things, lots of adjustment and self discovery and lots and lots of ups and downs…but…there is a really beautiful light at the end of the tunnel once the fog has cleared.
I never knew I even liked that!
Honestly I have spoken these words so many times in so many different contexts since becoming ill, when I first got ill my whole life changed literally over night. I’d gone from a happy, bubbly outgoing person to a rabbit looking into an oncoming cars headlights. Everyone I was close to didnt know how to speak to me and why all of a sudden I couldn’t bare to leave the house or be on my own. I couldn’t leave my children, my anxiety towards them became so bad I was calling up their school several times a day to make sure they were ok and little thinks like going to Tesco or any shops alone would make me feel physically sick.
Now all of those feelings and emotions are exhausting and really shit but I am possitive person, well not always but I really bloody try. When your surrounded by 4 walls and often alone with a 1 yr old and 3 older children you need to really think outside the box for things to make the days pass and motivate yourself. This is when I actually began to try things which id never had time to try or even knew I might be good at. These are some things which I became slightly obsessed with…..
- Watercolour painting in my sketch books
- Hand lettering and calligraphy
- Cleaning using eco products and deep cleaning everything
I became really excited by these things and not every day but a good amount of time these things would get me out of bed. I set up my Instagram account which solely focused on Disney and this I can honestly say has saved my life. I began able to interact with people, I became excited by posting pictures of things I loved and watching as people commented and like what I was posting. It became addictive and has given me a whole new lease of life. By connecting with so many different people I have learned that Its ok to be different, Its ok to like what YOU like and dress exactly how YOU what to dress and this is so EXHILIRATING.
The good the bad and the really ugly
This is my positive post for #maternalmhweek (maternal mental health week) and I am so happy that I am after so long I am in a positive place were I am able to write about recovery and the future, but and I really hate that BUT!! My mental health journey is only really beginning, I have an illness now which goes beyond maternal mental health, this is probably because for so many years I suffered in silence, 4 pregnancies came and went before I got the help I so desperately needed and oh my goodness so much else happened but now I have that diagnosis I am able to move forward and so can you.